Got me thinking again

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation??
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Also... WOOHOO! Guess who actually posted again ;) Mazal tov to Bezerkley it's been like forever dude, glad to have you with us again! (lets see how long you last this time :P yes that's a dare :)



Oh and before I forget ;) Rumors are circulating (ok fine not as of yet, but I'm starting 'em now) that a certain friend of mine, best known as Dovid, AKA My chavrusah, AKA Gonzonic is seriously contemplating coming out of retirement... WooHoo!

P.S. Am I the only one having problems with Statcounter?

P.P.S. Sheesh + Oysh = Shoysh!