"If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail."

:)

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

Remember–you can either be happy or RIGHT.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

Marriage is when a man looses his bachelors degree and woman gets her masters degree.

Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.

Son: Dad, is it true that marriage costs a lot?
Father: I don’t know son, still paying…

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Toward the end of the weekly Torah sermon, the Rabbi asked, "How many of you have been moichel your enemies?"

80% held up their hands.

A week later the Rabbi repeated his question. All responded affirmative this time, except for Mr. Chaim Rosenberg, who was one of the elders from the community.

"Mr. Rosenberg, It's good to see you here today. Now with all due respect, why are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.

"Mr. Rosenberg, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.

"Oh, Mr. Rosenberg, would you please come up in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?"

Mr. Rosenberg tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply, "I outlived all those schmucks!"

Larry says:

Every time I buy a new suit I make sure it at least a size or two to large, that way whenever people see me they exclaim "wow Larry, you look like you've lost weight recently!"

Monday morning at work and i'm in a surprisingly good mood, must be Adar :)

Mishenichnas Adar Marbim Bi...

""Hangover" is just another name for "Friday" or "Tuesday" for you. Ur like the hangover pro..." lolololol!

There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.

~ Kin Hubbard

Thoughts: Change is good.

After a friend of mine pointed out how (much) I've changed over time, (and here I thought I was same old me,) and after pushing myself to make some changes on my own recently...

People are forever changing, it's just a matter of noticing.

Amazing how a person may be the last to notice a change within one's self.

Subconscious change and change by chance is simple and easy, the real test is when you make a conscious decision to change, because then your mind has a say in the matter.

Great quote “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”