Another one gone and another one gone…

Another one bites the dust :)



Mazal tov to my dear friend Levi Z upon his engagement, may you and your kallah have only simchas, lots of brachos, parnasah and hatlzacha, and everything that you may need. Aight and of course mazal as well for anything you may want ;)

Mazal tov!

Marriage
-They have come up with a perfect understanding. He won't try to run her life, and he won't try to run his, either.

-He early on let her know who is the boss. He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."

Leadership
Abe is sunbathing in his back garden in Brooklyn one Sunday afternoon when a small spaceship appears out of nowhere and lands near him. A strange looking spaceman gets out, walks over to Abe and says, "Take me to your leader."

"I can’t," replies Abe, "at this time my wife yenta is upstate with the children..."

What an angel
Sadie has been married for five years and is pleased when her husband Issy starts to call her ‘an angel’. She likes compliments as much as the next woman, but after it goes on for a few weeks, Sadie asks Issy, "Why do you call me an angel, dear?"

"Because," replies Issy, "you’re always up in the air, you’re continually harping on about something and you never have a thing to wear."

What they don’t teach in chosson classes…
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.

"You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."

He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."

Birthday Surprise
The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife's birthday.

"A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk.

"You bet," answered the husband. "She's expecting a cruise."

The Necklace
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for our anniversary. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."

Mother-in-law
A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women. The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together. Seeing the problem, the usher says to the man. "Let them go first. You wouldn't want to separate a woman from her mother, would you?"

The man says, "No, sir. I did that once, and I've been sorry ever since."

The Wedding Ring
A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the wedding ring. As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned.

"Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman, "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?"

With a fatherly smile, the salesman said, "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day."

Man of the house.
A man left for work one Thursday afternoon. It was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

He replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

On Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

MARRIAGE is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

When a man decides to marry, it may be the last decision he'll ever make.

Marriage brings music to a man's life. He learns to play second fiddle.

Engagement, unlike proper punctuation, is a period before a sentence.

A well-informed man is one whose wife has just told him what she thinks of him.

Ahhh silence
One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.

"What's the matter?" the bartender asks.

"My wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days."

The bartender thought about this for a while. "But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?" asked the bartender.

"Yeah, except today is the last night."

Unconditional Love
A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home after having fought in Vietnam. He called his parents from San Francisco.

"Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've a favor to ask. I have a friend I'd like to bring home with me."

"Sure," they replied, "we'd love to meet him."

"There's something you should know the son continued, "he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mind and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us."

"I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live."
"No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us."

"Son," said the father, "you don't know what you're asking. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can't let something like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He'll find a way to live on his own."

At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him. A few days later, however, they received a call from the San Francisco police. Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide. The grief-stricken parents flew to San Francisco and were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something they didn't know, their son had only one arm and one leg.

The parents in this story are like many of us. We find it easy to love those who are good-looking or fun to have around, but we don't like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable. We would rather stay away from people who aren't as healthy, beautiful, or smart as we are. Thankfully, there's someone who won't treat us that way. Someone who loves us with an unconditional love that welcomes us into the forever family, regardless of how messed up we are.

BUTTERFLY
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon.

The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us.

We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!

I asked for Strength.........
And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for Wisdom.........
And God gave me Problems to solve.

I asked for Prosperity.........
And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.

I asked for Courage.........
And God gave me Danger to overcome.

I asked for Love.........
And God gave me Troubled people to help.

I asked for Favors.........
And God gave me Opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted ........
I received everything I needed!

Value
A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?"

Hands started going up.

He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this." He proceeded to crumple the dollar bill up.

He then asked, "Who still wants it?"

Still the hands were up in the air.

"Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.

He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.

We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. You are special - Don't ever forget it!

Hope you all have a phenomenal and inspirational shabbos,
CS.

Click on pic to enlarge

Brrrrr! Whatever happened to global warming?! Today was a real "Poopy" day, OK fine so I got some learning done, but the darn cold plus the rain was just Oh so dreary.

Did I mention that today was COLD!

Me really thinks that there should be an official "rainy day" kinda like holiday, where on a designated rain day all persons MUST stay in bed, cozy under the covers, while listening to the rain pouring down outside... Yah Yah I know, dream on.




Anyhoo, was upstate this past shabbos, yeah I know so against my policy of "why would anyone travel two hours to a swampy mosquito infested place called a bungalow colony to stay in a little shack AKA "bungalow"" although I must admit the bungalows thees days are quite impressive, almost like houses minus the cleaning lady...



Was interesting to note how back in the days in me old colony we (as kids) would be up outside all night playing cops and shgotzim or capture the flag till like 2am, while these days it seems all the young ones are camped out inside their bungalows by 10pm watching movies, man whatever happened to the good 'ole days.
In other news, dovid and I have finally sent in out taaruvos smicha tests (one week and seven pages later) and have now finally moved on to the part "hilchos shabbos" Woohooo, yay and other words of exaggerated joy. :)

Oh yah and I couldn't help but smile on the previous post when guys were asking ME for MY answers on smicha, I mean like SHEESH you know moshiach is coming when you have people asking a "Chasidishe SHAIGITZ" for answers on halachah ;)

I feel speYcial.


If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

Stam was thinking "nobody is perfect..."

Nobody knows, nobody cares, nobody tried, nobody thought, nobody could figure it out, nobody knew the answer, nobody was there... yadda yaddayadda...

Sometimes it ain't that bad to be a "Nobody".

If only everybody would see that in every nobody there is a somebody...

Can anybody think of a way to finish or re-word that last sentence for me? I honestly would but it's getting kinda early and my brain is going into hibernate mode. ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz Zweet dreams.

Was thinking of posting...



But figured I'll just leave it for tomorrow.



I would love to post about procrastination, but I know I'll never get around to it.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.



Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Harold's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked, "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Harold replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. "Hey, wait a minute!" Harold interrupted." I haven't added them up yet."

"Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life."
"But I'm not getting married until tomorrow," protested his nephew.
"I know," replied the uncle. "That's exactly what I mean."

...And lead me not into temptation... lest I have someone to blame.


Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself

Um Ya, if anyone has any idea what Rabbi Yoroslavsky's exact mailing address might be PLEASE can you get it to me ASAP.

Ehh hold on a sec, I take back that "ANY idea" and "Might be" ya see I have some idea, but it might not be... So if you happen to KNOW...

Thanks in advance. As well as can be, be.

Me.


Mouse Story ...
A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package.

"What food might this contain?" The mouse wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning. "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers."

The mouse turned to the cow and said, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose."

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap-- alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.

The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught.

The snake bit the farmer's wife.
The farmer rushed her to the hospital and she returned home with a fever.
Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.

But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock.
To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.

The farmer's wife did not get well; she died.
So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.

So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember -- when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk.

We are all involved in this journey called life.
We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another.

SEND THIS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER HELPED YOU OUT AND LET THEM KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THEY ARE.
REMEMBER: EACH OF US IS A VITAL THREAD IN ANOTHER PERSON'S TAPESTRY; OUR LIVES ARE WOVEN TOGETHER FOR A REASON.

One of the best things to hold onto in this world is a friend.

Implements of Math Destruction
At New York's Kennedy airport today an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a square, a slide rule, and a calculator.
The Attorney General believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a very fearsome cult, indeed", the Attorney General said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on a tangent in a search of absolute value. They consist of quite shadowy figures, with names like "x" and "y", and, although they are frequently referred to as "unknowns", we know they really belong to a common denominator and are part of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

"As the great Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are three sides to every triangle." When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

THE PIRCHEI SHOSHANIM SHULCHAN ARUCH LEARNING PROJECT

Nosain Tam Lifgam

The Pischei Tshuvah brings an instance of a non-Jew who was digging a well fell in and died. It is not known if he was kavush in the water for 24 hours. The Pri Tavuah permitted the water based on a combination of three reasons:

1) This is a case of sofek kavush (like the Rama).

2) The issur of eating a non-Jew is based on an asai (positive commandment) as opposed to a lo t’asai (negative commandment).

3) Perhaps the non-Jew gives a bad taste to the well water.




Came across this (actual text) while doing test research... No joke but had me cracking up enough to put in another few hours of studying :)

Almost, almost done with the taaruvos test (don't ask, it's taking forever) Lord I can't wait to move on.

Ok so I was hanging out with a friend tonight and stam talking when we came acrooss a certain topic which I felt was just oh so bloggable. Anyhow I typed up what my anon friend had said and then (forced?) had him edit it to his words.... Whatever, tell me what you think.

Anonnymousd friend of CS said/wrote:

When going out with another who you feel for, there is no wrong. It’s amazing how whatever you say comes out just right in such a spontaneous effortless manner. You’re so “in the zone” that nothing can screw it up. Unless of course you say something totally out of line, everything that comes out your mouth - even the silliest jibber-jabber - is like sacred pearls of wisdom (CS says: Oh so chhhhh…. earful) As cheesy as it sounds, it feels as though every action, thought or speech is predestined, guided by an invisible angel, almost like an out-of-body experience. It’s kinda funny, but lets say if you were to say a joke for example and you were to totally botch it up, while if it were on the first of second date it might be really awkward or nebbish, however, once you have been out for a while it seems like there is no wrong, meaning that even if you were to screw up a simple joke the other person would consider it the mess up as cute and funny either way…

I guess that’s why even the most seemingly nebby/nerdy/goofy/geeky people manage to land/catch such great opposites, the theory is that if it is it bashert then the bottom line is that no matter what you try to say or how you say it, it’s almost as though G-d puts “gems” in your mouth and everything comes out just right 

Bottom line, if it’s meant to be, then let it be. Just be yourself, trust in yourself, cuz yourself is all you have to give. While dating, don’t try to be anything you’re not. Just let it flow, don’t worry too much how you’re acting or what you’re saying, cause if you’re “feeling it”, it’ll all just come to you naturally.

Yay! (I Just had to as that in)

Signed, a fool in love (me says AKA tzorus :P)

PS I wish the same for all of you imy’h.

****************************

Kids know best:

Q: How do you decide who to marry?
A: No one really decides before they grwo up. G-d decides it all the way before, and you get to find out later who you'r stuck with. Kristen, 10

Q: What do your mom and dad have in common?
A: Both dont want to have any more kids. Lori, 8

Q: What do most people do on a first date?
A: On the first date, they usually just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested anough to go on a second date. Martin 10.

Eeeesh! CS, 24.

Oh and one more for good luck: I was on my knees cleaning the oven when my husband came home after a round of golf. One look at the sweat pouring out of my brow and he took pity on me.
"Hold on" he said. "I'll help." A minute later, my knight in shining armor came back with a pillow. "here, kneel on this."

Heaven on earth ;)

Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon."

The other drunk stops and looks at his drunken friend. "You're wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun."

They began to argue when they come upon another drunk. They asked, "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?"

The third drunk looked at the sky and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."



Found out recently we would be taking the smicha test this week, so my chavrusah and I crammed in a few 9 hour days last week (look back at last posts 5am breakfast :) and just started taking the written test on taaruvos today. Almost half done and should/better be finished manyana. Woohoo.

No jury duty for me! :)

LONG STORY SHORT: I ended up sitting in this gigantic waiting room from 8:30am till 3pm this past friday. I coined the waiting room "the fish bowl" named after 770 cuz basically all your doing is trying your darn hardest to keep yourself occupied and entertained till you get "called up"

Anyhow they actually called me up for one case with around 12 other people some of whom really seemed to be "Intellectually challenged", and gathered us all into a small room to check us out and see if we were right for jury duty.

Being that I was going crazy enough (yes I probably could have pleaded insanity to be excused from jury duty due the long wait in the fishbowl) I decided to skip all the great excuses I had come up with and opted for the one which was sure to get me excused. Please note I would not have done it if it had to be in public but on the bottom of the questionnaire which you fill out before you go in for the interrogation they have this little box which you can check if you want to discuss anything in private with them lawyers.

Lawyer: Mr. CS, you said you had something to discuss in private...
Me: well ya see its like this, 1. I'v been to Israel for quite some time... and so therefore I must say that I don’t have the most favorable view of Muslim Arabs (Probably shoulda told them of the night I was sitting outside café rimon and this arab came by and stabbed two of their workers while I was eating there.)
Oh and 2. Being that I live in Brooklyn where (think riots) where the majority of crime is committed by "African Americans" (funny how just a few nights before then I had some AA punk shooting stones at me from his apartment window with a slingshot) and so I must admit that I don’t hold very highly of ‘em.
Lawyer: So does that mean that you don’t think you will be able do judge people from certain ethnic background favorably?
Me: Yah yah, good one, exactly whatever you said.
And that was that for me :)


Oysh, so much more to write, but just got back from my chavrusah's place a little while ago after having a 5am breakfast... (hopefully next post will explain) Shoin, its getting early, time to go shlufin.