Another one gone and another one gone…

Another one bites the dust :)



Mazal tov to my dear friend Levi Z upon his engagement, may you and your kallah have only simchas, lots of brachos, parnasah and hatlzacha, and everything that you may need. Aight and of course mazal as well for anything you may want ;)

Mazal tov!

Marriage
-They have come up with a perfect understanding. He won't try to run her life, and he won't try to run his, either.

-He early on let her know who is the boss. He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."

Leadership
Abe is sunbathing in his back garden in Brooklyn one Sunday afternoon when a small spaceship appears out of nowhere and lands near him. A strange looking spaceman gets out, walks over to Abe and says, "Take me to your leader."

"I can’t," replies Abe, "at this time my wife yenta is upstate with the children..."

What an angel
Sadie has been married for five years and is pleased when her husband Issy starts to call her ‘an angel’. She likes compliments as much as the next woman, but after it goes on for a few weeks, Sadie asks Issy, "Why do you call me an angel, dear?"

"Because," replies Issy, "you’re always up in the air, you’re continually harping on about something and you never have a thing to wear."

What they don’t teach in chosson classes…
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.

"You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."

He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."

Birthday Surprise
The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife's birthday.

"A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk.

"You bet," answered the husband. "She's expecting a cruise."

The Necklace
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for our anniversary. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."

Mother-in-law
A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women. The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together. Seeing the problem, the usher says to the man. "Let them go first. You wouldn't want to separate a woman from her mother, would you?"

The man says, "No, sir. I did that once, and I've been sorry ever since."

The Wedding Ring
A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the wedding ring. As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned.

"Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman, "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?"

With a fatherly smile, the salesman said, "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day."

Man of the house.
A man left for work one Thursday afternoon. It was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

He replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

On Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

MARRIAGE is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

When a man decides to marry, it may be the last decision he'll ever make.

Marriage brings music to a man's life. He learns to play second fiddle.

Engagement, unlike proper punctuation, is a period before a sentence.

A well-informed man is one whose wife has just told him what she thinks of him.

Ahhh silence
One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.

"What's the matter?" the bartender asks.

"My wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days."

The bartender thought about this for a while. "But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?" asked the bartender.

"Yeah, except today is the last night."