I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

Remember–you can either be happy or RIGHT.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

Marriage is when a man looses his bachelors degree and woman gets her masters degree.

Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.

Son: Dad, is it true that marriage costs a lot?
Father: I don’t know son, still paying…

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.