Mazal Tov’s to Benny H. and to Nutty S. upon their engagements, and to G! Looking forward to your wedding dude ;) (For anyone who might still be looking for a way to get there, there are still seats available on the bus… call me or G for info)

This post is dedicated to you guys.


A BEER BEFORE IT STARTS

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts". She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start." This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts."

"That's it!" She blows her top, "You lazy putz! You waltz in here, flop your fat tush down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"

The husband sighed. "Oy gevald, it's started."


Wife: “If only once you spent Sunday with me instead of playing golf, I swear I would drop down dead!”
Husband: “There you go trying to bribe me again”


Young man: “I’ve come to ask if I can have your daughter’s hand in marriage.”
Father: “Have you seen her mother?”
Young Man: “Yes, but I’d still prefer you daughter.”

First man: “I’m married to a very clever woman. She can talk for hours on any subject”
Second man: “Mine talks all day and night and doesn’t need a subject?”



And to keep it fair...



Shiksa: Where can I find a man that's sweet and sensitive, a loving husband and a caring father?
Shagitz: Did you try reading through the obituaries?

CShiksa: hey where's a good place to hang out and meet guys that arent too sleeezy?
CS: ummmm, the mikvah? :p

A girl tells her father that her boyfriend has asked to marry her.
“Has he got any money?” The father asks.
“You men are all the same,” said the girl. “He asked the same question about you.”

Q: What do you call a man who has lost all his intelligence?”
A: Divorced/Widowed

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. Killed any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."


During a quarrel with his parents a teenager cries; “I want excitement, adventure, money and beautiful women. I’ll never find them here so I’m leaving home. Don’t try and stop me” with that he heads for the door. His father gets up and follows him. “Didn’t you hear what I said dad?” cries the boy “I don’t want you to try and stop me” “Who’s trying to stop you?” replies the father. “I want to come with you”


Mazal Tov again to you guys, I'm so happy for all of you. May your marriages be filled with success, peace and happiness, and may we all share many more joyous occasions together.

CS.

P.S. Best wishes to Dovid W. Hope all is well.