A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN RE-WORD:

Here's a bit of "paronomasia" (gosh I really like that word) kinda reminds me of the word "pyromania" only in this case what are the chances of getting burnt... Oysh so Punny :)

There was a man who entered the local newspaper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.


Oysh!

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well, red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, will you get repossessed?
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.
If a clock is hungry does it go back four seconds?
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
Sign for a networking business in Australia: The LAN down under.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in their craft it sank -- proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says "We don't serve mushrooms here." The mushroom says,"Why not? I'm a fun guy!"

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins--if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!



My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned...couldn't concentrate.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it...mainly because it was a so-so job.
Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
After that I worked in a blanket factory, but it folded.
Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.
After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I quit because it was always the same old grind.
SO I RETIRED AND FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!

If a doctor carries a black bag and a plumber carries a tool box, what does a mohel carry? A bris kit!