Shoin
So one guy says to another guy, " Goldberg and Rosenstern were talking one day...

HOLD IT !, ....his friend interrupts him, "Always with the Jewish jokes! Give it a rest! Why do they always have to be about Jews? Just change the names to another ethnic group for once!"

So he starts again, "Hashimoto and Suzuki were talking one day at their nephew's Bar Mitzvah..."



Two beggars in Ireland
Two beggars are sitting on the pavement in Ireland. One is holding a large Cross and the other a large Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. As people walk by, they lift their noses at the guy holding the Star of David but drop money in the other guy’s hat. Soon one hat is nearly full whilst the other hat is empty.

A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the guy with the Star of David and says, "Don't you realize that this is a Christian country? You'll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David."

The guy holding the Star of David then turns to the guy holding the Cross and says, “Nu Moishe, look who's trying to teach us Marketing."


Izzy’s Last Will and Testament

Izzy has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Izzy’s Last Will and Testament:

"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000. And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill."


A Serious Chat with Mom

Rivkah sprang to answer the telephone...

"Darling, How are you? This is Mommy."

"Oh Mommy," Rivkah said crying, "I'm having a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine won't work. I've sprained my ankle and I'm hobbling around. On top of all this, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have the Minkys and the Rokens for dinner tonight. I haven't even had a chance to go shopping."

The voice on the other end said in sympathy, "Darling, let Mommy handle it. Sit down, relax and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, tidy up the house and cook your dinner. I'll feed the baby and I'll call an engineer I know who'll fix your washing machine. Now stop crying. I'll even call your husband David at the office and tell him he should come home to help out for once."

"David?" said Rivkah. "Who's David?"

"Why, David 's your husband....Is this 555-3749?"

"No, this is 555-3747."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I dialled the wrong number."

There was a short pause, then Rivkah said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?"


Four Letter Words

Isaac and Sarah got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, Sarah immediately telephoned her mother Leah.

"Well," said Leah, "how was the honeymoon, darling?"

"Oh mom," Sarah replied, "the honeymoon was fantastic. It was so romantic, and ..and..."

Then Sarah started to cry. "Oh mom, as soon as we got back, Isaac started using terrible language. He said things I'd never hoped to hear, all those 4-letter words. Please mom, get into your car now and come and take me home."

"Calm down, darling," said Leah, "tell your mother what could be that awful. Don't be shy, tell me what 4-letter words Isaac used."

"Please mom, I'm too embarrassed to tell you, they're terrible words. Just come and take me away." said Sarah.

"But bubeleh, you must tell me, you must tell me what the 4-letter words were."
Still crying, Sarah replies, "Oh mom, he used words like WASH, COOK, IRON, DUST, ..."


Sincere rabbinical student. Enjoys Yom Kippur, Tisha B'av, Taanis Esther, Tzom Gedaliah, Asarah B'Teves, Shiva Asar B'Tammuz. Seeks companion for living life in the "fast" lane.

:)
Wishing y'all a easy, meaningful, and fast fast,
CS.