Gut Shabbos

Just in case ANYONE hasnt heard this one before.

Shabbos Miracle

Three Chassidim are each talking about who has the greatest Rebbe:
The first one says: "Our Rebbe is so great, we were walking home from shul on Shabbos and it was very hot. We said, "Rebbe, it is so hot what can we do?" The Rebbe stopped and he prayed. And in front of the Rebbe and behind the Rebbe there was heat. And to the right of the Rebbe and to the left of the Rebbe there was heat. And in the area around the Rebbe it became cool and fresh and they all walked home.

The second one says: "That's nothing! We were walking home from shul one Shabbos and it started to rain really hard. And we said, "Rebbe, we're going to get sick what should we do?" The Rebbe stopped and he prayed. And in front of the Rebbe and behind the Rebbe there was rain. And to the right of the Rebbe and to the left of the Rebbe there was rain. But in the area around the Rebbe, there was no rain, and they all walked home.

The third said, "Is that all?? We were walking home from shul on Shabbos, and we spotted a large bag filled with gold coins that was lying in the street. And we said, "Rebbe, so much money, we could do so much work for the Chassidim, what should we do??" And the Rebbe stopped and he prayed. And in front of the Rebbe and behind the Rebbe there was Shabbos.....

I found this one kinda funny.

The Poor Cow

One Shabbos afternoon Hershel Ostropolier stood at the window in the rabbi's study looking outside. "Rabbi," he suddenly asked, 'if one sees a cow drowning on the Sabbath -must one save her or let her drown?"

"Of course you can't save her! It's not allowed! What are you looking at anyway?"

"Nothing! A cow fell into the lake."

"'What can one do?" sighed the rabbi. "The Torah forbids it!".

"Just look!” cried Hershel, "Ai-ai-ai! Now the water is going over her head ! It's a pity on the poor dumb animal! "

"What can one do?"

"So you say, Rabbi, nothing can be done for her?"

"What concern is it of yours anyway?"

"Now I can no longer see the poor cow . . . she's gone under . . . drowned! A pity-a great pity !"

"What's the matter with you, Hershel! Why are you lamenting so?" asked the Rabbi.

"Oy what a pity, Rabbi! So sorry for you! "

"What! Why, in God's name?"

"Ehh, well rabbi, you see, It's your cow! "

And I just loved this joke, always remember to be considerate to others in shul ;)

A man started to snore in his seat a synagogue. "Please stop your snoring," the shammas pleaded. "You are disturbing the others in the synagogue."

"Look, nudnick," the man said angrily, "I paid my annual dues and I'll do whatever I want."

"Yes, sir," replied the shammas. "But you are keeping everybody else awake."

That’s it for now; I hope everyone has a phenomenal shabbos!

Shabbat Shalom. CS.