“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked”

Are you tired of those asinine "friendship" poems with decent intentions, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here's a collection of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry shmuck who made you sad.

2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile - I will know you finally did something right.

4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused - I will use little words.

7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy rear end.

"Friendship is like pissing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth"

To all my friends, have a awesome, extraordinary, and incredible Shabbos :)