Did you hear about the kid who was pulled over for speeding?

The cop got out of his car and the young man rolled down his window.
“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.

The guy replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.




A man seeing flashing red and blue lights inhis rear view mirror pulls to the side of the road. A minute or so after coming to a stop,a police officer approaches the car.


The man says, "What's the problem officer?"

Officer: You were going 75 miles an hour in
a 55 mile an hour zone. I'm afraid I'm going
to have to ticket you.

Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60.

Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80!
[The man gives wife dirty look.]

Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for
your broken tail light.

Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!

Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks!
[The man gives his wife another a dirty look.]

Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for
not wearing your seat belt.

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt!

The Man turns to his wife and yells,
"For cryin' out loud, can't you just shut up?!"

The officer turns to the woman and asks,
"Ma'am, Does your husband talk to you
this way all the time?"

Wife says, "No officer, Only when he's drunk."


THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO A COP...

Bad cop! No donut!

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

When the officer says, "Gee son... your eyes look red, have you been drinking?"

You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"


So, what's a good bribe go for around here?

What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol!

When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.

If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to...

If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood, and when he asks you to spread them, tell him you don't swing that way.

Yes, officer I saw your flashing lights, but you didn't seem to be catching me, so I assumed you were after someone else.

You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.


Hey is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.



OOps, I fogot my favorite one, here it is.

A cop was hanging out a local bar waiting for drunks to come out so he can catch them with DWI (drunken driving)

A group of people wander out of the bar and sure enough one of the guys looks like he is drunk off his box, wobling all over the place and barely able to stand, the guy walks over to his car takes out his car-keys and drops them on the floor, finnaly he managed to get his car and starts to drive off and the cop figuring he's got one quickly pulls him over before he hits someone.

The cop orders the guy out of the car and tells him to walk in a straight line, and the guy proceeds to do just that with no problem at all, figuring the guy is just a good drunk the officer orders him to take the breathalizer test which again the guy passes with no problem!

Confused the cop turns to the guy and asked him how he managed to pass the tests, he sure looked drunk to him before.

Well you see officer, answerd to guy, tonight I am the "designated drunkard"