The High Holy-Daze

This is it guys, my last post of the year, I’m heading out sometime friday to my uncles chabad house to help out and be the chazzan for rosh hashana (and yum kippur) I’m a bit edgy cuz I never really did chazanos on rosh hashana before and I don’t know the nosach that great, so that means I’ll be sitting and listening to some chazanos tapes for the next two days, Oy help me G-d…

To all my fellow bloggers and viewers, may you be blessed with a happy, healthy and wealthy year; everything should go right for you, with lots of hatzlacha, and many great achievements. To all singles (especially my good friends) may you find your bashert within this coming year, and may there be lots of alcohol by your weddings! In short, may this year be a joyful, blogwothy year, with no depressing posts for anyone!

Ksiva Vachasima Tova, L’shana Tova build a sukka.

They say whatever you do on Rosh Hashanah is a segulah for the rest of the year; Note to CS: The high holidays has nothing to do with getting high. Remind self not to take any power naps and to stay far, far away from alcohol, unlike last Rosh Hashanah...! Hey we all know how that turned out.



My favorite HH Jokes

One Rosh Hashanah morning, the Rabbi noticed little Adam was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the synagogue. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it along with small light bulbs lit up near each name for the high holidays.

The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the Rabbi walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Adam."

"Good morning, Rabbi," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque.

"Rabbi Resnick, what is this?" Adam asked.

"Well, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Little Adam's voice was barely audible when he asked: "Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur services?"

**********

Murray, a deeply religious man, went to temple one Sabbath and forgot his Tallit, so he borrowed one from "the rack" at the temple. At the end of the service, he realized that he really liked this Tallit (so much that he actually decided to stuff it down the front of his trousers and take it home).

After the service when he was walking thru the reception line, the Rabbi stopped him and whispered, "Murray, I am sorry, but I saw you stuff a Tallit down your pants. Why would you do this?" Murray, totally embarrassed and ashamed, explained the situation, whereupon the Rabbi suggested he remove it from his trousers and give it back.

By now, the Tallit had managed to slide half-way down his leg. While Murray was bent over pulling it out of his pant leg, he accidentally let out a loud fart.

The Rabbi, exasperated, said, "Murray!... You took the Shofar, too?!?"

************

A Shana Tova Wish

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs, and
your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your
triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and
your mortgage interest not rise.

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your
cardiologist, your gastroenterologist, your urologist,
your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist,
your plumber, and the IRS.

May you find a way to travel from anywhere to anywhere
during rush hour in less than an hour, and when you get
there may you find a parking space.

May this Yom Tov find you seated around the dinner table,
together with your beloved family and cherished friends,
ushering in the Jewish New Year ahead.

May what you see in the mirror delight you and what others
see in you delight them.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until
you finish dinner, may your checkbook and your budget
balance, and may they include generous amounts for charity.

May you remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to
your partner, your child, and your parent(s). You can say
it to your secretary, your nurse, your butcher, your
photographer, your masseuse, your seamstress, your
hairdresser or your gym instructor, but not with a
"twinkle" in your eye.

May we live as intended, in a world at peace with the
awareness of the beauty in every sunset, every flower's
unfolding petals, every baby's smile and every wonderful,
astonishing, miraculous part of ourselves.

Bless you with every happiness, great health, peace and
much love during the next year and all those that follow.

Happy New Year!
I wish you a happy, healthy and sweet New Year.