I was at a friend's B-day/farbrengen tonight, chilled with the guys, heard some amazing stories, and no I didn’t drink much (see anon I’m not a bum ;p)

Just wanted to share some of the more humorous stories of the night, or whichever ones are still in my head…

Little yossi was was sitting in school one day, and his teacher was in middle of teaching, when he had to go to the bathroom…

(Now as I’m sure you all remember back in the school days when someone had to go to the bathroom it was no simple feat, first you had to raise your hand up high and waive it around like a lunatic until you your teacher would care to notice you, and then when he would finally acknowledged your presence by asking what you had to say (thinking that maybe for once you were actually listening in class and had a question on the subject at hand, well,) then you would meekly point out for the whole class to hear that you really had to go, and hope and pray he would let you go, even though it was your second time going in the past hour.)

So little yossi raises his hand high and praying that his teacher would notice him as he really had to go, his teacher of course chooses to ignore him, after a few minutes the hand waiving get even more frantic and yet the teacher STILL ignores him, after about 15 minutes of hand waving (Which happened to be more hand waving time then it would take to hail a taxi in NYC) yossi cant hold it anymore and WITHOUT asking for permission runs out of the classroom and makes a mad dash for the bathroom.

Upon returning to the classroom his teacher turns to him and scolds him for leaving without permission “What makes you so special sir, that you feel like you can leave class whenever you want, and without permission?”
“Well, I raised my hand for 15 minutes, and I REALLY had to go…!”
“So?” replies the teacher “wait until I call upon you, just think about the statue of liberty, look at how long she has been holding her hand up!”
And without missing a beat yossi replies “Sure, and look at the big puddle around her!”

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Plumber’s advertisements:

“#1 in dealing with #2”

“Your crap is our business!”

And some law firms phone number 1800-I-Can-Sue

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Shucks, I still have more to write, but its getting kinda late, guess I’ll have to save it for next post, have a great phenomenal shabbos Y’all :)

Just to finish of with one of my favorites before I go.

A priest walks onto an airplane and sits down, looks over and finds that he's next to a rabbi. They greet and talk a bit.

So after a while the rabbi asks the priest: "Father, I understand the catholic church is still based on hierarchy. What’s the next level you can ascend to?"

"Well I suppose if god was to bless me I could become a bishop."

"Really? Well, what about after that?"

"Perhaps if god were to really smile upon me I could become an archbishop."

"And after that...?"

"Well if all the angels were to smile upon me and god's will was so, then I suppose I could become a cardinal, but--"

"And after that?"

"Well, perhaps if I were granted a thousand blessings and held in highest of gods graces then I might one day become the pope but really--" (the priest was quite exasperated at this point).

"Any higher than that?"

"DO YOU WANT ME TO BECOME THE MESSIAH HIMSELF?!"

They were both silent for a moment. Then quietly, the rabbi says "one of our boys made it."