To my dear bro, best of luck in school today, may your school year be quick and painless, and may your day dreams be sweet and joyous and go on uninterrupted until the end of class.

Here are just a few of my favorite school memories.

Student: “That’s its rabbi! I’ve had enough of this, I’m sick and tired of school, I am heading up to the roof right now and I’m going to jump!
Rabbi: (jokingly) “No! NO! Wait! Don’t jump! At least not from this building, trust me they have terrible insurance coverage, if you want, maybe go jump off another building…

This one is from a rabbi who couldn’t stand it when students would sleep during his shiur, he was always threatening us with 10 dollar fines if caught sleeping in class, now any buchor who is in yeshiva long enough learns the trick of sleeping upright with your hands covering your eyes so your teacher cant tell if you sleeping or not, now this rabbi really had something against me, and me being a professional sleeper just got him more upset as he was never able to bust me, I’ll always remember the one day I was dozing off with my hands on my forehead covering my eyes when I heard the teacher yell to me “Mr. *****! Next time I even THINK you’re sleeping, it will be a 10 dollar knas!

How about cheating on tests? I’ll never forget my fifth grade teacher and his multiple choice tests, basically he would hand out a stack of test papers and each student would take one and then pass the rest to the student behind him until everyone had a test paper and we would then send the remaining test papers back to the front, after that that we would have around 30 minutes to take this multiple choice by checking the correct anwers/numbers and then bring our tests back to out teacher, and once all the test were given in he would make a whole show by reading us which numbers were the correct answers, and then normally he would put all the tests away in his desk to mark later and we would all be leave the class for lunch break.
My cheating method was quite simple back then, instead of taking one test paper I would secretly take two, and somehow sneak the second one into my desk, I would then proceed fill in the answers to the test on the paper in front of me (which wasn’t always that great as I never was a big fan of studying) and hand in the first test paper with whatever answers I knew and wait for everyone to hand in their tests as well for then the teacher would read of the answers while I would secretly take a pen and write the correct answers (unlike when you cheat off a friend where your never guaranteed that the answers are right) on a small paper, then once everyone left the room for lunch I would sneak back into the classroom and take out my second test paper and fill out all the correct answers and break into the teachers desk, find all the test papers and switch my old failing test paper with the new modified one.
Listen I might not have known all my stuff back then, but I sure felt like a genius… Hey not that I’m so proud of cheating but can anyone beat that?

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"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student's neighbor, "Hey wake that student up!" The neighbor yells back, "You put him to sleep, you wake him up!"

The child comes home from his first day at school.
Mother asks, "What did you learn today?"
The kid replies, "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."