"I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up . . . they have no holidays."

A young woman teacher with explains to her class of children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too.
Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A Jewish girl named Sara has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I'm not an atheist."
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"I'm Jewish."
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Sara why she is Jewish.
"Well, I was brought up knowing and loving God. My Mom is Jewish, and my Dad is Jewish, so I am Jewish."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?" A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Sara, "I'd be an atheist."

"Atheism: A Non-Prophet organization"



On New York's Upper West Side lived an assimilated Jew who was a militant atheist. But he sent his son to Trinity School because, despite its denominational roots, it’s a great school and completely secular. After a month, the boy comes home and says casually, “By the way Dad, do you know what ‘Trinity’ means? It means the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.”

The father can barely control his rage. He seizes his son by the shoulders and declares, “Danny, I’m going to tell you something now and I want you never to forget it. There is only one God. AND we don’t believe in Him!”

Prof: Tell me, son. Do you believe in G-d?
Student: Yes, professor, I do.
Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen G-d?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your G-d?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Have you ever felt your G-d, tasted your G-d, smelt your G-d? Have you ever even had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.
Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your G-d doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes, Faith. And that is the problem science has.
Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? ....No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

Me: You know it must be hard for females to be atheists, I mean imagine a girl not being able to exclaim "Oh my G-d" a thousand times a day!
Female: Oh my G-d, that is like so not true!