Another one bites the dust!;) Mazal tov! To my dear cousin, may all the blessing come true and may you merit much happiness and success...



The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, I've found a man just like Dad!
Her mother replied, and so what you want from me, sympathy?

In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months....I don't like to interrupt her.

The last fight was my fault.
My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"

Three men were at a bar. Two of the men were discussing the control they had over their wives, while the third remained uninterested.

After a short while, the two men turned to the third and asked, "What about you? What kind of control do you have over your wife?"

The third man turned to the first two and said, "Well, just the other day I had her on her knees!"

The two men were dumbfounded. "Wow that's incredible! What happened next?" they asked.

The third man took a healthy swig of his beer, sighed and grumbled, "Then she started screaming at me to get out from under the bed and fight like a man!"


Husband to counselor: We were very happy for 22 years.

Counselor: What happened?

Husband: We got married.

Counselor, turning to wife: Do you agree with your husbandÂ’s assessment of your marriage?

Wife: Yes, the only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.


10 Things to know about marriage

1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

2. If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

3. Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

4. Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

5. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:

Either the car is new or the wife is.

6. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;

The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

7. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.

After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

8. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.

But the law allows only one wife.

9. Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry.

That is why sometimes wife's treats husband like toxic waste.

10. A man is incomplete until he is married.

After that, he is finished..


SECRET TO A LONG MARRIAGE

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and good companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. (We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida and mine is in NY.)

"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."

A nagging old woman at a party walked up to a belligerent old man and told him, "If you were my husband I would poison your drink!" To which he replied, "If you were my wife I would drink it!"


Mother in laws.

What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother-in-law?

Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

What's the difference between in-laws and out-laws?

Out-laws are wanted.

A husband said to his wife, No, I dont hate your relatives. In fact, I like YOUR mother-in-law better than I like mine!