Understanding Men

Men are simple things.
They can survive a whole
weekend with only three things:
Beer, boxer shorts and batteries
for the remote control.


What men say and what they actually mean . . .

•"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

•"IT'S A GUY THING" Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

•"THAT’S WOMENS WORK" Means, "It's dirty, difficult and thankless.”

•"WILL YOU MARRY ME?" Means, "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."

•"I’M GETTING MORE EXERCISE LATELY," Means, "The batteries in the remote are dead."

•"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

•"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR
•"YES, DEAR..." Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

•"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" Means: "I have no idea how it works."

•"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD". Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

•"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." Means: "Are you still talking?"

•"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS." Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F-Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

•"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES". Means: "Something is wrong, followed by “Honey you won’t believe what happened...."

•"I MISSED YOU," Means, "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."

•"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL." Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

•"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING." Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

•"I CAN'T FIND IT." Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
•"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" Means: "What did you catch me at?"

•"I HEARD YOU." Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

•"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE." Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

•"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC." Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

"HONEY, WE DON’T NEED MATERIAL THINGS TO PROVE OUR LOVE," Means, "I forgot our anniversary again."

•"IT’S A REALY GOOD MOVIE" Means, "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and naked women."

•"I DON’T NEED TO READ THE INSTRUCTIONS," Means, "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

•"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

•"WE’RE GOING TO BE LATE," Means, "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

•"I DO HELP AROUND THE HOUSE," Means, "I once threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket."

•"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK." Means: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."

IN A WOMEN'S WORLD.