Cheese blintzes, "desert," and the ten commandments

NOTE: the ten commandments are not multiple choice. (And remember its a command as in commandment, not commend as in commendable!)

Didn’t any of the jews notice the small letters in fine print on the bottom corner of the ten commandment tablets? You know where it said "terms of acceptance: Comes with a minimum lifetime subscription, cannot be cancelled and must be kept at all times, failure to adhere to these commandments can lead to pissing of G-d and thus certain degrees of punishment may follow..." oh yeah and lets not forget the part of "These ten are just the preface, more commandments will be added on, 603 more to be exact"

A Hebrew school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without any hesitation, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

Ever wonder if maybe the whole receiving of the torah thing was just a mirage? I mean think about it the jews were already wandering in the desert for fourty days, they must have been seeing things by then! Ok Ok maybe not.

Reminds me of this one story where this little boy was walking down the street thinking/saying how great G-d is and singing praises to hashem for the miracles that he did for Jewish nation, such as in Egypt etc. and this atheist guy walk's by and scolds the child saying "come on how can you really believe in all that junk, its all a lie! Take the splitting of the red see for example, scientist have long ago concluded that at that time the see was no deeper then around 10 inches and the jews simply waded across it!"
This brought a troubled look to the child’s eyes and the atheist thinking mission accomplished begins to walk away, when suddenly the child start praising G-d all over again, turning to the child the atheist asks "what now?" "well" the child replies "think about it, G-d must have drowned all the Egyptians in just ten inches of water! Now aint that a miracle?!"


Here is just a little something I've been working on, its a work in progress, so if ya dont like it, bite me :p

“Heavenly travel, this is Gawd speaking.”
“Yes hello Gawd, my name is Moses and I am interested in booking a guided tour for the Jewish nation through the desert to Jerusalem.”
“A trip through the desert? Wow I can probably make a good PROFIT out of this one “Uh sure Mr. Moses sounds like a splendid trip, nothing like some quality time in the desert, so lets see is this going to be one way or round trip?”
“Oh just one way Gawd, you see I’m just dying to settle in Jerusalem”
“Jerusalem? You know most people normally just go for the Florida retirement of maybe California, you sure about this Jerusalem place?”
“Yes, Yes Gawd, Jerusalem is what I’ve always wanted, in fact it was promised to me and my people...”
“Ok Moses whatever you say, alright then hear we go, I found the perfect guided tour for you and your nation, and let me tell you it’s a great deal.”
“Really, G-d that sounds wonderful, so let me ask you a bit about this package deal, first of all, what will we be doing for food, I heard they only have “desert” out there, Hahaha, G-d I’m funny.”
“Oh not to worry Moses, for food the Jewish nation will be feasting on delicious “man”.”
“MAN?”
“Yes Moses “man”.”
“Dude...?”
“Sweet man”
“Um you know what Gawd, I really cant see myself or the jews eating other men, I think we should try the vegetarian menu...”
“Haha, No Moses not human men! “Man” sort of like dew or mana, argh! Don’t worry, you will understand it when you see it, “man” will be falling from the sky.”
“OK Gawd, right, men will be falling from the sky, hey whatever you say, I’ll believe it when I see it...
Moving on then, tell me about the tour guides, what kinda people are they? Please tell me we aren’t talking about the ones that talk all the time and drive you meshugeh because they cant shut up, or the ones that are don’t say a word other then hello, thank you, and good bye, Oy I cant stand either of those!”
“Oh not to worry Moses it wont be either of those, as a matter of fact they wont even be human, you see I have arranged to have special clouds guiding the Jewish nation.”
“Clouds??? Oy vay, I’m sorry I asked, and here you tell me not to worry, Ha! Oh G-d speaking of worrying, what am I to do when I want to get in touch with you? I heard the reception in the desert is terrible and there is probably no way my cell phone will be working out there!”
“Calm down Moses all will be well, you see I have even arranged for you to have a direct line/connection with me, it’s a special communication device called the “Urim Vitumim” Aka the tabernacle.”
“Great Gawd, that sounds neat, leave it up to the Chinese people, always coming out with these cool gadgets.”
“ Whatever Moses, but I should warn you beforehand, this thing is kinda heavy and your going to have to shlep it around with you as well as the rest of the equipment wherever you go...”
“Oh well if we must we must, I’m sure I can get some strong jews to do the shleping”. Anyhow Gawd everything sounds pretty Kosher to me, and so I guess I’ll will be taking this deal, now about the price...?”
“Oh that will be a total of two million dollars”
“Two mill? My G-d! that’s so expensive, its insane! Come on give a jew a bargain.”
“Well Moses its 2 Mill because you will be traveling non-stop! Direct is always more expensive but is normally worth is as you will get to your destination much quicker, if you want however I can book you guys on a route with SOME stop-overs, and that will make it a lot cheaper.”
“Great! I’ll take it!”
“Um I should warn you Moses, with these extra stops, the journey will take A LOT more time.”
“Ah come on, how much more time could it be already, as I said before I’ll take the deal with the stop-overs, no promlemo.”
“OK Moses, so that trip will only “One million dollars” and remember I’m only doing it for you guys because you’re the chosen ones and everyone is always picking on you...”
“Aw thanks Gawd, you’re the man!”
“No, I’m the lord, and your welcome. Oh and before I forget I was going to ask you if you were interested, just for you because I like you so much, for a extra 5 Thousand bucks I can arrange for the trip to include a guided tour of the “Oil wells” and show you all their locations.”
“Oil wells? Come on Gawd, do I look like a sucker to you, why in the world should I care about oil wells? Its not like we will be frying “latkes’ out in the desert.”
“Ok Moses, but don’t ever say I didn’t offer it.”
“Yeah right, oil wells, ha! No offense but I think your just trying to make a easy five grand off me, Nice try but no thank you.”
“Sure no problem, OK then, that’s it for now, I’ll get this stuff together and book your journey, have a safe trip, I’ll see you out there.”
“Cool, Thanks G0d, and remember to stay in touch.”
Click.
Moshe's mother in law says: So what if he led the Jews out of Egypt and brought us to get the Torah...You would think that with all that time Moses spent talking with G-d on the mountain top, the least he could have done was to come down with NORMAL directions through the desert!

Anyhow, here's to wishing all my readers, fellow bloggers and friends a Chag Sameach! All the best, and may there be enough cheese blintzes for all of ya.