Kosher Times

Opening soon in your religious neighborhood

Just a few Jewish business ideas that I am working on at the moment, haven’t yet worked out all the details, (ok, so I’m to lazy to edit and finish it up) but here is the general idea for now :)

BIG BROTHER ESCORT SERVICE:

For all those girls who are nervous or just too afraid to walk outside by themselves, and yes, the answer for all boys who are getting tired of having to drop whatever it is they are doing cuz’ their dear sister needs someone to walk her home at one in the morning, (or for any husband who frankly isn’t that interested in going shopping with his wife or walking her to get her hair done etc.) be it day or night, the solution is here, at big brother we have a variety of “Brothers” to chose from (Chasidish, religious, and modern) to escort you ladies for an hour or two, or even for the day/night, whether it’s a visit to a friends house, running errands or simply a walk around the block, “Big Brother” is here for you.

GLATBUSTER:

Finally what you have all been waiting for, a kosher blockbuster!
Featuring a full selection of Uncle Moishy videos, MBC and HASC concerts, and all the rest of your favorite JEWISH movies. (Mel brooks anyone?) And of course a special “Rebbe” video section.
There will be a back room for any movies rated about PG, and anyone wanting to enter the room and rent such movies will require written consent from their Rabbi or mashpia.

SIX ELEVEN:

Yes it true, it’s the kosher version of seven eleven, open only 6 days a week, kosher magazines only. All the food guaranteed OU kosher which means you will never have to worry whether you favorite slurpy is actually kosher or not!

THE "FARBRENGEN" BAR:

Finally a religious bar for religious Jews to hang out in, no more worry about mixing with shkotzim and shiktsas. Separate entrances and party rooms for men and women. There will also be popular rabbis, rebetzins and mashpi’im waiting to shmooze or farbreng with you!
So be it a bris or a birthday, bar/bat mitzvahs, and yes even Jewish kosher bachelor parties, let us make it the party of your life, because at the Farbrengen Bar we say “L’chaim!”
Notice: For all my fellow lubabs, a permission slip from your mashpia will be required if you wish to drink “More then Four”

KOSHER DUNKIN DOUGHNUTS:

Strictly kosher, also providing fresh bakes challos and rolls for shabbos, and just you wait until Passover comes along… Gevald!

BESUREI HEMELECH OR McDOVIDS

We might not have cheeseburgers, but the lattkes and Kreplach soup taste great!

I’m also looking into starting a Jewish street gang called “The Mac-A-Bees”

NOTICE: For information on any of the above business propositions please call 1800-Oy-Gevald, These ideas are copyright, anyone trying to use these business idea’s without my consent will be taken to beth-din and subsequently be flogged or st00ned.