Chevrah Kaddisha (True) Stories.

Two of the Jewish Burial society workers, Chaim and Berel (Names changed, ‘cuz I forgot their real ones ;) both happened to be taking a long drive to who-knows-where one day, and being that they worked for the chevrah Kaddisha they just so happened to be driving in an empty hearse.

Somewhere along the way after driving on the highway for quite some time Berel began to feel really tired, and so being that the back of the hearse was unoccupied he came up with a brilliant idea “Hey Chaim” he said “listen up, I’m getting really tired from all this driving, so if you don’t mind, take over the driving for a while, while I go and lie down in the back and try to get some sleep…” And so Chaim moves over to the driver’s seat to drive while Berel goes to take his nap in the dead man section, and after a short he is sound asleep.

Thing were going well, Berel was blissfully asleep in the back of the hearse while Chaim was driving when, after a while Chaim had to stop for a Cash-Toll, and so he pulled up along side the toll attendant sitting by the window, who proceeded to check out the hearse while Chaim dug in his pockets, searching for his cash, first he searched one pocket then another, pant pockets and shirt pocket and so on, while the line of cars gathered behind the hearse waiting to make their way through the toll, and the annoyed toll attendant looking on and waiting for the money, but the search was for naught and Chaim soon realized that he was out of cash, then he finally remembered “The Body” lying behind in the hearse, and so to the amusement of the toll attendant he leans over and calls out to “The (Sleeping) Body” “Hey Berel! Do you have any cash on you?”

Lets just say that what happened next resulted in the attendant making a quick escape out of his little toll both, eyes filled with fright and running for his life, leaving Chaim and the “no longer sleeping” Berel sitting there (with some money in his hand) Trying their best to hold back their laughter.

Story #2

It was in middle of the summer, visiting day to be precise, and Shmerel who worked for the chevrah kaddisha was ready to take make the long journey from the city to upstate NY to visit his dear son in camp, now the only problem was that Shemel was didn't own a car, and so being that he was a member of the Jewish Burial Society he figured he would use it to his advantage and so he borrowed a hearse so that he can go visit his son.

The car/hearse ride there went great, (some people actually respect a hearse more then a police car with flashing lights, hey the complains go straight to heaven) and so with no traffic Shmerel made it to camp in no time and had a great time with visiting son in camp, as you can imagine of course along with the hearse came a trunk full of jokes and so of course had to tell all the campers that no he wasn’t breaking out color-war and again no, the head counselor hadn’t died C’v and will still be there tomorrow.

Driving along the way back was a bit more difficult as it was already late at night and Shmerel was really zonked from such a busy day and so as he got more and more tired he decides to just pull over to the side of the road, and to hop over to the back of the unoccupied hearse, and get some sleep until he is awake enough to drive the rest of the way home, and so Shmerel gets into the back and totally undisturbed by being in the dead mans section falls into a deep sleep…

A police car happened to be passing along the highway at that time of the night and to his surprise he sees a hearse pulled over along the road with the lights out and windows slightly open and seemingly deserted, and so this poor officer decides to check it out unknown to him that he is in for the shock of his life as he pulls his cruiser over to the side of the road, walks over to the hearse and does a quick search with his flashlight and lo and behold, there is a “Body” lying in the back, yet there is no driver…!

Now Shmerel is lying there all comfy in his “bed” when he awakened by the sound of footsteps alongside his hearse and a flashlight shinning in on him, and being so startled he quickly jumps up in the back all disoriented and begins to look around and shake his hands while mumbling out loud “Its OK! I’m only sleeping!”

The poor officer who was freaked out of his mind and shaking with fright, he franticly made a mad dash back to his patrol car and sped away from the living dead.

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Sometimes I really thank G-d that I am a Kohen, doing shmirah and tahara for people who have passed away just doesn’t seem like something I would like to do, (Even though it’s a “chesed shel emes” and full credit to those who volunteer) being a koehn it is halachicly forbidden for me to do either of those things, even just entering a cemetery is forbidden (Sometimes a good thing, yet sometimes not)

Back in the days in Hawaii someone from the community was niftar unfortunately and so my (chavrusa) buddy and I were called upon to help out with the shmirah and tahara, thank G-d I’m a kohen so I was off the hook but my friend had to deal with it with one other guy, when he came back later on that day I asked him how it was, freaky or whatever, and he said he didn’t want to/couldn’t talk about it, later on that night after we had gone to sleep I was awakened by someone screaming, and so I jumped from my bed but only to see my friend screaming in his bed while still sleeping, obviously having a terrible nightmare of the previous days events. (He wouldn’t talk about it the next day, even after I told him what happened at night) Now that’s freaky…

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The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the local rabbi talked at length of the good traits of the deceased -- what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was…
Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that's really your pa in there."