You know its going to be a bad day ahead when...

You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.

You wake up face down on the pavement.

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.

You turn on the news and they are showing escape routes out of the city.

Your twin brother forgot your birthday.

You wake up to realize your waterbed broke and then discover you don't have a waterbed.

Your horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.

You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.

Even telemarketers begin to hang up on you.

Your blind date turns out to be your ex.

Your income tax check bounces.

You put both contacts in one eye.

You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your car payment.

Your suggestion box starts ticking.

Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3.

You see your stockbroker hitchhiking out of town.

The moths in your money belt starve to death.

People send your wife sympathy cards on your anniversary.

Your wife starts charging you rent.

A black cat crosses you path and drops dead.

The plumber floats by on your kitchen table.

Your pacemaker has only a thirty day guarantee.

The pest exterminator crawls under your house and never comes out.

A copy of your birth certificate comes in the mail marked null and void.

The department of biological warfare ask for your stew recipe.

Your children's school calls to surrender.

It takes you three hours to make minute rice.

You're so bored you play hide & seek alone.

People give you the senior citizen discount and you're only 37.

Your wife tapes your picture to the dart board.

Your wife is sitting on the stove holding a picket sign.

Your wife wraps your lunch in a road map.

The house is messy again before you can finish cleaning.

You've been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open.

You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.

Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.

It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.

The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

You wake up and your braces are stuck together.

Your mother approves of the girl you are dating.

Your doctor tells you that you're allergic to chocolate.

You have to borrow from your Visa card to pay your MasterCard.

Nothing you own is actually paid for.

Everyone loves your driver's license picture.

The Gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.

You call your wife and tell her that you'd like to eat out tonight and when you get home, you find a sandwich on the front porch.

Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George.

… You accidentally hit the BACK button on your browser, forcing you to re-do a post you just spent ten minutes putting together.