The international sign of marriage

Partial credit goes to WIRES ;)

Man to marriage counselor: "My wife and I can't agree on our vacation. I want to go to Bermuda and she wants to go with me."

Marriage - Female going from lipstick to broomstick.

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." The man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" The cop asked. "My wife." said the man.

Every man should get married some time; After all, happiness is not the only thing in life!
eeeesh.

Cheer up!" said Alan to his depressed friend, John. "Why don't you drown your sorrows?"
John, a married man, turned a doleful face towards him and said: "No man, that would be murder."



An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets... the more interested he is in her.

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It’s not fair that some men should be happier than others.

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.

Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later, for another thing, they die earlier.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why?
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why??

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!"

Husband: Let's go out on the town tonight and have some fun.
Wife: Yeah, but if you get home before me, remember to leave the front door open.



A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent...?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."