Ok lets say there is a joke shared by only two people right, then that would make it an inside joke right? But what if that joke got out and now more then those two people know about it, what if a-whole-buncha-a lot of people know about it, would that joke then be referred to as an inside-out joke?

Shavooooooooous went by fast, didn’t drag on at all and before I can say cheesy cheese cake it was over, ‘cept for that one time at Birchas Kohanim when the chazin was so off I (along with the rest of the Kohanim) wanted to strangle the tone deaf guy, Duchaning is cool, I get to scroll over all my friends in my mind and get to wish then all the best (remember if you win the lotto I get 10%!) but I was so distracted with that one chazzan guy I totally forgot to start thinking of the actual blessing until the last verse…\

Funny I can’t get over the fact that its only Thursday night (err make that Friday morning) it so feels like a motzei shabbos)

Shabbat Shalom, and peace onto thy.

CS.

At times we spend ages searching for and chasing something we might WANT, only to find that what we NEED has been right in front of us all along.

Oh yeah, and here's to wishing you all a "Cheesy" Shavous ;)

Chag Sameach!

CS.

Jewish Mother's Answering Machine:

If you want chicken soup, press 1;
If you want matzoh balls with the soup, press 2;
If you want varnishkas, dial 3;
If you want knishes press 4;
If you want to know how am I feeling, you are calling the wrong number since nobody ever asks me how I am feeling.


A young Jewish Mother walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten.
"Behave, my bubaleh" she says. "Take good care of yourself and think about your Mother, tataleh!"
"And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh."
"Your Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!"
At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him.
"So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?"
The boy answers, "I learned my name is David."


A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to
marry." The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one on the right." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?" The Jewish mother replies, "I don't like her."


A young Jewish man calls his mother and says, "Mom, I'm bringing home a wonderful woman I want to marry. She's a Native American and her name is Shooting Star." "How nice," says his mother. "And I have an Indian name too," he says. "It's 'Running Deer' and I want you to call me that from now on." "How nice," says his mother. "You should have an Indian name too, Mom," he says. "I already do," says the mother. "You can call me Sitting Shiva."

lol :)

Fits right in with THIS one.

(Honestly, thanks for sharing, consider us even, pic for pic ;)

PARKING.

Whoever woulda thunk that one of the most agonizing and complicated experiences in life can be trying to find a parking space?!

You circle around and around, going in circles, turning left here and right there, sometimes getting so nauseous even your gas tank begins to throw up. (I’ll pass on the word “agitated” for now) You circle for what seems like forever, looking, searching, and hoping for that perfect parking spot.

At last you glimpse a space in the distance, a break in the long line of cars parked peacefully for the night, this little space is just waiting there, almost as if it’s there just for you, designated for you, calling for you… But is it really it, can this possible the right one?

You pull up alongside “the spot” in your car, and begin to judge, analyze, and measure. Can this be it? Is this the right spot, the right size, is this space really the one for you and able to accommodate you, will you fit in ok?

Then begins the slow process of parking: You move in slowly at first, being ever so cautious of your surroundings, careful not to scratch or dent. The process must be dealt with, with utmost caution, lest you accidentally scrape or scratch and then be forced to make a run for it.



(Ok I know this is already beginning to get drawn out, but hey it’s a long procedure ya know) After making the initial move into your space you now begin to evaluate your next move, again more judging and contemplating is required as you begin the next “parking move” slowly releasing the breaks you begin to move again, maneuvering and shifting, looking over your shoulders at each little budge, making sure all is right, knowing that the slightest wrong move can mean the end of this parking space.

Oh and lets not forget the (annoying?) person or two who walks up besides your car, courteous and helpful, sweet as can be, doing his best to help guide you into your designated parking spot. Stop, go, turn, no straighten out, the (helpful?) advice is constant and loud, making sure that you hear, making sure you park to perfection… Of course sometimes that same person might just sadly shake his head from side to side and solemnly inform you that this particular parking space just doesn’t seem right for you, and it's time to bgin your search anew for that PERFECT PARKING SPOT.



Lucky are those who’ve got driveways.

Ever try to find parking in Brooklyn at 4 in the morning? As the joke goes about parking spots “most of the good ones all already taken, The rest either aren’t straight or are handicapped" :p Yet somehow B"H we all end up finding our designated spot.

Here’s to finding that “perfect” parking spot. L’chaim.

Parking Fine
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' It's nice to know there are such nice people out there.

SOS = Same Old Shtus

Laziness

lazy
Lazier Credit
laziest

If this makes sense, then something went wrong.

Sometimes I just want to scream. screaming looks like such fun, why should only angry and upset people get to do it? I mean like how cool would it be if we had 1 or 2 minutes each day designated for screaming time, whether you are frustrated or not, two minutes each day you get/have to scream at the top of your lungs… Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ever wanna yell and scream just because you have nothing to yell about?



Anyhow, a lot of nothing has been going on…

Lets start with 3 days ago (Monday) I stayed up late with a friend and ended up going to sleep at 5 am (I know, Kinda early for me but hey I was kinda tipsy) anyhow the next day (yesterday) starts 3 hours later with my dad waking me up and telling me he has a job for me substituting in OT subbing for 3rd graders, I was so tired I agreed to do it…

Ya know its kind of funny ‘cuz I always say this line “my grandfather A’h was a teacher, my father is a teacher, and my brother-in-law is a teacher as well and yet I say the only way I would ever work in an educational institute would be maybe, maybe as a janitor” ;)

Anyhow so there I was 9 in the morning after 3 hours sleep babysitting a bunch of 9 y/o 3rd graders, what sucked the most was that I had no warning whatsoever (not like anyone told me about it the night before, and thus no time to prepare anything) and so there I was stuck with a bunch of loony pishers doing my best to entertain them, and holding myself back as much as possible from smacking each one (not all, but some) of them brats right across the face.

Oysh, lets put it his way, during the breaks (thank g-d for recess, ya know now that I got to be the rebbi, the question dawned on me, who actually enjoys/needs the breaks more, the students or the teachers?) I walked into the teachers lounge and started schmoozing with some of the rabbei’im, most of our small talk went something like this: Them “so you’re subbing huh? Me; “yups, any tips?” Them: “Nopes none really just got luck and remember this is payback for all your childhood days when you tormented the sub’s…” 

B”H I survived the day subbing, thank g-d again for EXTRA recess and story telling. Truth be told it wasn’t THAT bad, although I must admit that what realy got me through the day was that in my mind every hour I’d make a mental cash register noise of ” Chaching” and calculate the money per hour in my mind… Talk about motivation.

Hey here's a joke from from my sister Chany AKA Chananya AKA Chana Anyah (dont ask)

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up a nd say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; she's dead."

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Pricelines latest competition, FedEx.

That's my bro Shmuly AKA Sammy AKA "with Sam B it's a Guarantee" (again don't ask) in the mailbox acting nutty with some other dude. Captions anyone?

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Two shidduch Q's that came up in a recent conversation.

1. When it comes to shidduchim are parents more picky by their A. Sons B. Daughters.

2. If a name came up for you regarding a shidduch and you didn’t end up going out with that person (for any simple random reason) and then that person gets enagaged, that means that even if you would have gone out with that person it would never have worked out ‘cuz obviously that person was meant for someone else. True or false?